Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
