Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
