how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
