pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
