Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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