This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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