She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
