fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
