You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
