My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
