Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
