Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I didn't notice because vodka
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize