she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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