Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
