i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
