you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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