she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
