did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Who died my cat blue again?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
