I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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