O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
worst night to have a conscience
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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