i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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