I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
