I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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