at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
