your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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