Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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