capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
