so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
