it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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