i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
