I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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