Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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