Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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