Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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