I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
