I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
