Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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