I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I can feel your judgement through the phone
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize