: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
