hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
