Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
