Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Drunk is a universal language darling
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
