The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
