she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
