I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
