i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
