Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
