I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
