New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
