Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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