Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
