just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
