No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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