hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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