matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
