she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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