I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
