and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
