If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
