Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
