i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
