i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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