Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
