We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
