was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
