I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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