the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
