drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Boobs are out for the taking
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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