Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
