Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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