Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
