You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
