I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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