you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
