Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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