this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Randomize
