I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize