And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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