I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
