Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Drunk is not a location!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
