Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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