And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
