Sry I called you an 8
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
