This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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