He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
