im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
