I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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