I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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