just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize